Want To Date Your Friend’s Ex? Don’t You Dare!

“We don’t do that here”

The older you get with the best friends you have, the better you realize something that keeps happening again and again. There are always about 5 out of 10 friends you have who are in a special relationship with another significant one. It seems to be all fun and game, until the ones that you have eyes for had their eyes for your best friend.

This should be a very interesting topic for every psychologist, because to most of us, there is something very magical about the guy or the girl whom your friend falls in love with. Or even after they broke up and became exes, which is…nice after all as he/she is technically “available”.

But I’m here to offer you some advice before you decide to have real feelings for that “forbidden fruit”. You have to be very serious about it, in order to avoid those headaches in the future.

Just. Don’t do it.

I know, I know, right? We all get attracted by the other gender, even if he/she is your friends’ boyfriend or girlfriend, there is nothing wrong to admit that you really like them. You just like them.

But, things will get tricky if you take those feelings any further and think to yourself they are treating you nicely because they have something back for you. Most of the cases, they are nice just because they don’t want to be a jerk.

Though I haven’t committed doing it, these kinds of things are brought up every time with my other friends. And none of them ended up good. It turned ugly. It hurt people’s hearts. It messed up your friendship.

“But what if they broke up already? How come it is my fault to go on with their exes?” Well, you heard it every time: Just because you can does not mean you should. We can do all things, but not everything is beneficial and worth doing.

And not to forget: This is not just the bro code or girl code kind of thing. This is how you live and love people around you, not only the one you “like”.

1. It definitely hurts

This is truly the obvious one. The one you have your eyes on was in a relationship with your friend, and right after they broke up you think to yourself this could be your best chance. This comes out of you as a natural impulse. And when I said “you” I meant “us”. We all fall that way.

But, let’s sit down and think a little bit harder: how much would you feel to see the one you used to love with all your heart going out with another one you also love? It stings, doesn’t it? It hurts like hell. It’s the feeling of betrayal.

It’s bad already when your newly-broke-up lover has another one right after the heartbreak. It’s way, way worse when the one he/she meets is your close friend. So if you don’t want to feel that way so much, how would you want your friend to get hurt in the same way?

There is also a missing piece in the argument: Your friend’s ex themselves. Let’s say even in the case you are truly happy with this “guilty relationship”, I can still be very sure your friend’s ex is not comfortable with the whole things at all. And if they can have you as their next significant one that quickly, it is merely temporary emotions after all. Nothing is concrete and rational. So, what you have ended up with? Your friend gets hurt. Your friend’s ex gets uncomfortable. And you get guilty.

2. Meeting times become an awkward show

But what if the two of you find everything is OK? Great, right? Well, not so much for other people. Honestly, this can’t be the topic that normal people would easily miss out. You have to set your mind ready in the next weeks, months, or even years to know that everyone else is still talking behind you.

This is just not some gossip people would forget after one or two days. This is serious at it is, and it involves people from within. Friends in your groups are forced to take either one of the sides: Who is right and who is wrong.

You see, this is just not about you and your friend and your friend’s ex anymore. This could lead to serious division and break up many more normal relationships.

But just let’s be even more positive that things will not turn out that way, they will still be incredibly complicated. Even if you all are still friends, what would it be to have everyone in a room, at a party or a meeting which every friend group does?

I swear you can even smell the awkward atmosphere. Everyone is aware of it because they don’t want to accidentally bring the past up. But things sure get crazy if some of them… do, right?

3. This is truly how you love people

This is not all about right and wrong, and please don’t assume I’m thinking this should be banned or illegal. This is just how much you truly love can care for people around you. If you really love your friend you would care how they would feel.

And if you truly love your friend’s ex you would be thoughtful to know it’s difficult for them also. Love is not all about emotion. That’s very rational. You can always have their exes as your friend, and wait until every wound is healed and see if your action can be completely welcome.