Dos And Don'ts Of Fighting: How To Have Healthy Fights In Your Relationship

Kimmy Karima |Sep 29, 2019

Fighting is not necessarily a bad thing in a relationship. But to keep it healthy, you really should know what to do and what not to do.

Fighting is neither black nor white, neither completely bad nor good. In reality, it’s an inevitable part of a relationship. It’s also a useful way to know more about the other’s perspective, as long as you keep it healthy.

Therefore, to help you turn every fight into a great chance to have more mutual understanding, below are the dos and don’ts, you should remember when fighting with your beloved.

DON’T take the past into the present

Let bygones be bygones...

Talking about the bad past is a surefire way to make a mountain out of a molehill. Your partner will almost surely get angry when you start mentioning something that happened a long time ago during a fight, though it has nothing to do with the matter at hand.

In that case, you can’t resolve the current conflict, but you add some fuel to the fire. So, focus on the ongoing issue and say “no” if your partner keeps speaking about the past.

DO listen carefully

Listening is caring.

If you don’t listen, how can you understand your partner’s point-of-view? Thus, if you want a fight to be a good one, practice self-control and don’t try to talk more than your beloved. When you listen more, the magic will happen: your partner will see your action and start to listen to you too.

After listening thoroughly, you can ask questions to get a better grip of both the situation and your partner’s emotions. It is much more helpful for your relationship, of course.

DON’T hurt your partner’s feelings with words

Wrong words can kill love.

Words sometimes can hurt more than swords do, especially when both heads are hot. Hence, during a fight, try to keep cool, so that you don’t have a slip of the tongue and say something you’ll later regret. Any personal attacks, hard criticism, offensive words should be off-limits.

If you feel you’re on the verge of losing control, try to keep silent and leave, at least for a while. You can always come back to the matter later, but you can’t take back a word said, right?

DO respect your lover in any case

Vow to respect.

Keeping respect is the basic rule to keep the fighting healthy. To do that, you two should have a discussion early on and promise to respect each other for better or for worse.

Whenever things get intense, you may remind your partner of the promise, calmly and gently. It shows that you love and want to keep love alive.

DON’T get violent

Never physically attack anyone.

Physically attacking someone is illegal, period. It will create wounds, both on the body and in the heart. Don’t think of violence only as something terrible, like punching or slapping. Even getting too close to your partner that you make them feel threatened is a violent act.

On the other hand, if you’re the victim of your partner’s violence, reconsider your relationship. No one deserves such physical suffering.

DO return to normal fast

Nature has a calming effect, take advantage of that.

Of course, it’s normal for each side to have his/her thoughts and need his/her own time to heal after fighting. However, attempt to calm yourself down and get back to normal as soon as possible by several relaxing activities taking a walk or drinking some tea.

After that, try to make peace with your partner. The great thing is that, once you take the initiative to do something pleasant to your beloved, you’ll feel better too.

DON’T presume

Never presume that you know it all and you don't need to listen.

Anyone with excellent communication skills knows that you should not anticipate what the other’s going to say. Don’t ever think that you wholly understand your partner and they don’t need to say anything more. That’s hurtful and disrespectful.

The more helpful way is asking your partner about what they’re thinking and feeling, and how they want this matter to turn out. Questions like that can comfort your partner because he/she feels your subtle care.

Follow the above rules, and you may never have a bad fight again.


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