6 Warning Signs Your Marriage Is On A Downward Spiral Towards Divorce

Marriage is the end goal of a couple's relationship. It takes a lot of effort and compromises from both sides for a marriage to work and last. Without the needed care, it will wither. Before their wedding, the hopeful groom and wife see it with rose tinted glasses. This leads to unreachable expectations and corresponding disappointment. And when there is discontent, the cracks start to appear, and when those cracks aren't mended, the divorce paper is filed.

Dr. John Gottman, a leading researcher on marriage, has been studying the signs that lead to divorce in 40 years. According to his study, that couple who is experiencing 6 of the below characteristics have up to 91% chance of splitting up. If you and your significant others exhibit these patterns, start working on them or divorce might be inevitable.

1. You start a conversation with deliberate provocation

Being cynical and bitter is not healthy for a marriage. If you start a conversation with negativity, all you get back is negativity. In the end, you would get more problems than when you started, without solving any previous.

2. The Four Horsemen of The Apocalypse... of your relationship

By observing couples fight, Dr. Gottman has pinpointed what he calls “the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse." These are contempt, criticism, defensiveness and stonewalling. These are devastating to any conversation, let alone it's one with your beloved. Try to avoid them, especially contempt, at all cost, because they are surefire signs your relationship is in the dumps.

3. You impose negativity on each other

Negativity can't be avoided in long-term relationships. But when you or your partner make constant comments to be sarcastic or even insulting, it will lead to contempt. As said earlier, hatred is a big no-no in relationships.

4. Conflict PTSD

The fight is also a normal part of marriage. Too much fighting can even lead to PTSD or post-traumatic stress disorder. They will start to see an increased in heart rate, change in hormone and blood pressure every time conflict occurs. How is anyone expected to resolve anything in this state? Worst case scenario, one of the four horsemen will come, in the name of stonewalling.

5. There has been on attempts at solving problems

Stonewalling is the disengagement of one or both partners. If relationship problems pile up without resolution, the chances of divorce shot up. The correlation between stonewalling and separation can, therefore, be made. Instead of for whatever reasons you have chosen to ignore your spouse, try to sit down and talk. You may not solve your problem immediately, but it's better than bottling them inside. After all, you married one another always to have someone by your side.

6. Let go of expectation

As aforementioned, couples often have unreachable expectations when it comes to marriage. To elaborate, when these expectations aren't met, there's a sense of frustration and demotivation. However, you must realize that no one is ever going to fulfill every one of your needs. You have to learn to come to term with yourself and live with the one you marry in real life, not the one in your head. Accept their shortcomings, and embrace them for who they are. This would, in turn, allow you two to talk without negativity, and reach a better understanding of one another.