Are You Holding Grudge Against Anyone? These 6 Signs Would Help You Know

Nobody is perfect, and everyone needs forgiveness. However most of the time it seems so hard for us to truly forgive somebody as the feeling of resentment and unfulfillment keep sticking in our hearts, waiting the right moment to burst out into fierce anger. These are the signs that help you know whether you are really holding a grudge and hence, show you a hope to forgive and move on indeed.

You cannot control your temper over a random thing

When you are bearing a grudge in your heart, you get frustrated by just everything. The world around you is distorted because your little world inside your heart is troubled.

Connie L. Habash, a marriage and family therapist, shared her wisdom: "We may have a grudge towards someone but pretend like things are fine; until an unrelated issue sets us off." When two nations have a bad relationship, even the smallest confliction could be a cause for war. Things that seem harmless like changing car’s oil or cleaning up the dishes can be the ignition for an argument at all time. Knowing that those small trivial things are not the leading cause is the first step to cure the real pain in your heart.

You keep a distance from them

It hurts, does it not, to share the same room with the person who hurt you, pretending nothing ever happened when you know precisely something happened. Our natural reaction is to leave the room immediately. But you cannot hide away from the person forever and still be friends.

"If you find yourself avoiding someone you have previously been close to, reflect on what happened the last time you were together, or even further into the past," Habash added. Talking frankly about the problem can help us be more comfortable with the persons again.  

The bitter feelings

If you forgave the person, and still feel resentment whenever thinking about the incident, it’s a high chance that you are not over it yet.

Negative thoughts toward the person

Sal Raichbach, doctor of psychology giving considerable advice: If your first reaction when you think about your old friends, colleague or your ex is negative, it's probably that there is an ongoing reason that makes you feel that way whether you can't recall what it is.

You may not always get upset with a person, but the negative impression is still there. Studying exactly from what such feelings are is the key to figure out why you can’t forgive.

You always feel you are treated unjustly

Holding a grudge means you constantly have feelings of being misunderstood. Therefore, you would like to see the person to suffer the same way you did.

"Resentment is the feeling we have been wronged by someone else and holding a grudge is the belief that we will feel better when we have shown the other person how angry we are," Carrie Krawiec, another marriage and family therapist in Troy, Michigan.

You may not have done it yet. But you would love to.

You feel emptiness

You not only seek for justice, but you also look for self-forgetfulness.

Owen pressed that a lot of effort is always required to prevent ourselves from the feelings. "Choosing to become emotionally detached and uninterested in someone you're trying to forgive. Why spend that much time and energy ... it's because there's still a grudge."