What You Need To Know About Repairing The Relationship With Your Spouse After Your Cheating

Kimmy Karima |Jul 30, 2019

Cheating is one of the most common reasons for separation, no doubt about that. But there are still some ways to save the relationship after a cheating scandal.

It’s extremely hard to forgive an unfaithful spouse. They say: “Once a cheater, always a cheater”, don’t they? But what if the infidelity is just a short indiscreet moment of yours? And after that, you want to take your spouse back? Though it’s really hard, you can still save your love/marriage. Read on to find out how.

Hold Hands
How can you repair something you’ve broken?

The reason is not the infidelity, the reason is you!

Reason
The reason is you!

Most people who want a break-up after their spouses have cheated said, they could tolerate the past fling, but they couldn’t tolerate the ongoing dishonesty. That’s what Caroline Madden, a marriage therapist in California, revealed. In many cases, the unfaithful one doesn’t show enough sincerity for his/her partner to trust him/her again.

So, what are you supposed to do, if you’re the one who has cheated?

Tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth

Dishonesty
No one can tolerate constant dishonesty.

Being completely honest with your spouse is a must, right when your spouse and you have the first talk about your affair. You may try to hide some details because of your embarrassment, or because you don’t want to torture your spouse with the entire extramarital story. But the more you hide, the more pain you’ll inflict on your spouse later, when he/she starts finding out more. Oh - the wound will gape open again!

So, no matter what you think, you must tell the whole truth right away. Don’t hold anything back, so your spouse won’t have any “bad surprises” later.

Be prepared for the questionnaire

Questionnaire
Give your spouse honest answers.

Your spouse has been experiencing deep pain, so he/she may have a lot of questions, even though you have told him/her the whole truth. Remember that, those questions may not come from curiosity, as you may think, but from the unbearable hurt. You should honestly answer all those questions nonetheless. Now you’re the accused and your spouse’s the judge, after all.

Place your privacy lower on your priority list

Phone
It’s understandable if your partner wants to access your phone.

For a long time after the adultery, you may put your privacy aside, because your spouse may want to watch every step of yours. You may have to give him/her the access to all your social media accounts and the password of your phone/e-mail. It’s a little annoying, of course, but you have no choice. Or you do, but it’s between your privacy and your love/marriage.

Cut all ties with your other man/woman

Cut Ties
Spend more time with your partner.

If you still keep in touch with your other man/woman, your spouse will never stop worrying and the wound will never heal.  In case you still have to work with that other man/woman, or in case he/she contacts you, you should tell your partner too. Spend more time with your partner and let him/her see your efforts.

Be willing to take tests for STIs (sexually transmitted infections)

Std Test
Accept the STD test if your spouse requests.

Your spouse may worry about you having STIs from your extramarital sex, so don’t take offense at any request to be tested by a doctor. It’s also for your own health anyway.

Visit a marriage counselor if needed

Therapy
Some therapy sessions will help a lot./Photo: Shutterstock.

This is one good solution if neither you nor your spouse wants to break up, but both don’t know how to go on. You may not feel comfortable when having to confess your infidelity with another person (the counselor), but some therapy sessions will help a lot. Then your spouse and you may find a good way to leave the past behind.

Don’t rush

Patience
Be patient before things are normal again.

Forgiveness is never easy. Your spouse really needs time (a lot of it) to deal with your external romance, to think it through and to decide if he/she can move on with you or not. So be patient while you try your best every day to show your love and sincerity to your spouse. And, may the best come your way.

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